Fallun Angel

I was wrong…

I had a great day!

Just one day a year…

Every year I hope for it and believe it will happen. I don’t look for lavish or expensive gifts. My only desire on my birthday is to have harmony and attention from those I care about. I’ll admit it, I want it to be MY special day. It’s my annual selfish desire.

Every year, however, my birthday sucks and I spend the day upset & depressed. Today, on the eve of my special day, the winds of disapointment are already blowing.

Oh well, there’s always next year.

Happy New Year!

I’m feeling optimistic today. 2011 wasn’t a terrible year, but I had personal struggles that have taken their toll on me. That’s history and I’m focusing on the good things to come. There are good things coming in 2012 and maybe, just maybe a GREAT thing or two.

Happy New Year my friends. I hope 2012 is the year your dreams come true. xo

I wore my game face today…like a BOSS!!

Wait! I am the boss. Oh damn…you know what I mean!

Predictability

Physical pain is somewhat predictable. Based on the cause of the physical pain, you can estimated the duration and severity. Emotional pain, however, doesn’t give us the benefit of such insight.

How long will the pain endure?
Will it get worse before it gets better?
Can others see my pain?
Will it ever completely go away?

When will the tears dry and my breath come steadily once again?

I deal much better with logic, which is predictable.

I got myself an iPad for Christmas under the premis that it would be a nice productivity gadget to have at work. After two days of playing with it I realize I’m going to get far less work done now that I have this bad boy.

Let’s keep things in perspective…

I was in a meeting this afternoon when my 18 yo daughter sent me a text. I always quickly check my text messages in meetings to be sure the kids are ok. I wasn’t expecting this:

“OMG Mom! A’s 21 year old brother committed suicide. We were friends. I don’t understand.”

A is one of my daughter’s closest friends. I left the meeting, went to my office and called her. It took me almost 15 minutes to reach her, which had me in a slight panic. My daughter, you see, is bipolar, and she herself tried to commit suicide a year and a half ago. I had no idea how she would be handling this news. Her moods can change unexpectedly, and news like this can affect her deeply.

My daughter’s ok, and I’m going with her to the funeral to support her and her friend. It’s going to be hard as hell for me to go to a funeral for a 21 year old, I can’t imagine what it will be like for my daughter, for her friend and their family. My daughter has texted me a few times since getting the news. One thing she can’t get out of her mind is “What if it had worked when I tried it, Mom. I almost did this to you…I’m so sorry.”

I can’t describe the anguish I went through when my daughter tried to kill herself, and it was a serious attempt that was almost successful. Knowing what I went through…and she survived, I can’t begin to imagine the anguish this boy’s family is going through right now. I think about that, and then I think about all the recent drama that’s been going on over on twitter and I can’t help but think, REALLY?!? Let’s keep things in perspective. Things done and said on twitter can be hurtful, believe me I know, but we can easily click on that power button and the noise becomes quiet for as long as we want it to.

I have Google+ invites. Send me a message if you’re interested.